HI guys welcome back to my another blog post “ Emotional wounds and it’s healing “. As usual I recommend you all please do subscribe ,comment and share among your friends . As you know we all are human beings with a mind and soul . Every living creatures those have mind we can say them emotional creatures. So human being is also a emotional creatures having two genders that is male and female . Now new gender also trying to make entry it’s non other Transgender . Any way we can include them in our category.
As comparing with male , female is more emotionally attached . In this blog post I use word emotion and feeling interchangeably . Our world is filled with dualities that is why we can say that every coin has two sides . Just like our emotions are of two types that is good emotions and bad emotions .
Good emotions make you more progressive , strength and confidant where as bad emotion hold you back from every development and make you weak and mentally ill . Majority of the peoples think about how to acquire money , fame and power any way. To acquire this some times peoples go on wrong path in which they loss their happiness lies ahead and get hurt emotionally.
Whatever it is nothing is permanent in our life it all depends on our actions and time , it is well said in the great epic Bhagavad gita that is every thing in the universe is transient . For example today one may be rich but as time changes , when he/she falls in wrong companions or any negative influences in their life then their ruination get starts . Take another example our life is no guaranty , may be at any time , at any age any thing will happens .
See money is not important things in our life but money does affect many important things in our life . So treat money as medium in which you can make many day to day transactions to carry out your life . Always follow the path , that is “money is servant and I am the master “ . If we talk about fame it’s the good quality of you that makes you stand out from crowd for long . For example suppose you become a celebrity it’s your action that speaks louder than your words . Remember people will forget your words but never forget your actions . So think what legacy you want to leave before your last day.
In this post I want to tell you how to be joyful through out the life even in midst of our destructive emotions such as anger , depression , envy , anxiety , sadness , jealous etc . As you know If your health is strong, when viruses come
they will not make you sick.
If your overall health is weak, even small viruses will be very dangerous for you. Similarly, if your mental health is sound, then when any disturbances come, you will have some distress but quickly recover. If your mental health is not good, then small disturbances, small problems will cause you much pain and suffering. So this blog post will also help you to become mentally strong so that you can lead a happy harmonious life . It was the Buddha who said, ‘Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, we cannot live without a spiritual life.
The author of the Rich dad and poor dad Robert Kiyosaki says “A business needs both a spiritual and a business mission to be successful, especially at the beginning of everything in our life .” Like this I also want say technology with out spiritual wisdom is very harmful.
Among the destructive emotions I think anger and fear is the root of every evil emotions . In other words every destructive emotions stems from these two dangerous emotion anger and fear . Do you know too much fear brings frustration. Too much frustration brings anger.
So that’s the psychology, the system of mind, of emotion, which creates a chain reaction. With a self-centered attitude, you become distanced from others, then distrust, then feel insecure, then fear, then anxiety, then frustration, then anger, then violence. You will have much fear and worry, much sadness and despair, and much anger and aggravation.
People would like to be able to take a pill that makes their fear and
anxiety go away and makes them immediately feel peaceful. If we go like this then this is impossible through out the life. So one must develop the mind over time and cultivate mental immunity.
Now the time came to look further into , what are spiritual tools that we have to adopt to heal our emotional wounds . Let’s see how to tackle this emotional wounds.
For every event in our life , there are different angles . When you look at the same event from a wider perspective, your sense of worry and anxiety reduces, and you have greater joy. Meditative practices work to shift our perspective from our reactive emotional brain to our more reflective, more evolved higher brain centers. Getting a “wider perspective,” is possible by stepping back from our situation to see the bigger picture.
Scientists have called this practice “self-distancing,” and it allows us to think more clearly about our problems, as well as to reduce our stress response and our negative emotions. In the midst of all odds it’s our perspective which has the power to keep us alive and or cause our death . it’s quite hard to change our emotions but it is relatively easy to change our perspective .
The way you see the world, the meaning you give to what you witness, changes the way you feel. It can be the first step of a spiritual and neural journey that results in more and more equanimity and of our default state being increasingly more joyful,” .
As psychologist and writer Daniel Goleman poetically put it on a pretrip call. Perspective, is nothing less than the skull key that opens all of the locks that imprison our happiness. In order to heal our emotional wounds and to be joy and happy so we should need to change our perspective whenever possible .
In other words a healthy perspective is one of the root of joy and happiness. Most often we see the world as we are not as the world is so we need to change or reframe our perspective to think more positively. That is find the positive side of every thing you are facing day to day life.
It is known fact that you can’t find 100 % wrong on any thing in your life , in some way or on any other perspective it become useful to us it’s your ability to find the positive side of the things by your knowledge , wisdom and your life experience . And also Gautam Buddha says in Dammapada “ with our mind we create our own world “. For example if you follow your positive thinking and the word’s your trustworthy peoples then eventually it become one of your traits makes you special.
When any thing negatively happens on us we all have two choices either we can flight or fight against it .
If you fight more often then you will get more strong either by mentally or physically than before . On the other hand if you flight always then you will not reach any where in life .Remember Every adversity bring with it the equivalent of advantage. I am saying all this to change your perspective not to make any war of words.
we also have the ability to take on the perspectives of others. For example suppose when we are travelling on our vehicle if some body cuts the road immediately we get angry on our perspective . But if you look through on the other person perspective may be he/she cut the road because to help a dying patient or help his parent who is in critical situation so he / she may be trying to reach hospital fast .
so always try to adopt wider perspective and larger perspective. It involve stepping back, within our own mind, to look at the bigger picture and to move beyond our limited self-awareness and our limited self-interest. Every situation we confront in life comes from the convergence of many contributing factors. The Dalai Lama had explained, We must look at any given situation or problem from the front and from the back, from the sides, and from the top and the bottom, so from at least six different angles.
This allows us to take a more complete and holistic view of reality, and if we do, our response will be more constructive. If I talk more about perspective then it will become long blog post , if any body request me I will get update it .
The word humility actually comes from the Latin word for earth or
soil, humus—which sounds a lot like but should not be confused with the
simple but delicious Middle Eastern chickpea dip, hummus. Humility
literally brings us back down to earth, sometimes with a thud. Needing to feel that we are bigger than others comes from a nagging fear that we are smaller.
Humility is one of the emotion that our mind needs so that our ego and pride fade away. When I was young and had to give some formal teachings, because I was not thinking that we are all same, I would experience anxiety. I would forget that I’m just talking as a human being to fellow humans beings.
I would think of myself as something special, and that kind of thinking would make me feel isolated. It is this sense of separateness that isolates us from other people. In fact, this kind of arrogant way of thinking creates a sense of loneliness, and then anxiety.
None of us are immune to the all-too-human traits of pride or ego, but true arrogance really comes from insecurity. Remember we all are the childrens of god so no need to feel better or worse than others.
Humility helps us to remember our common bond with others. It helps
us to avoid isolation, judgment, and indifference. It helps us remember
that we are all equally beloved children of God, as the Enlightened would
say, and to remember that we are just one of the seven billion people on
the planet. It helps us remember that we are all in it together. So be always humble and modest through out the life.
Humor, like humility, comes from the same root word for humanity , humus. The lowly and sustaining earth is the source for all three words. Humor seems like something that is spontaneous and natural and cannot be cultivated, but the ability to laugh at ourselves and to see the rich ironies and funny realities in our lives is actually, like perspective, something that we can learn with practice over time.
Having sense of humor is a universal index of spiritual development. I once heard that laughter was the most direct line between any two people. Humor is a kind of act which sooth human minds so that we can feel ease .
Don’t make humor with the intention of hurting others or demote others on humor . I found that one of the best ways of helping our people direct their energies in positive directions was laughter. Telling jokes, even at our expense, was such a wonderful flip to our morale.
It is much better when there is not too much seriousness, Laughing , joking is much better. Then we can be completely relaxed. Japan scientists explained that wholehearted laughter—not artificial laughter is very good for your heart and your health in general. Artificial laughter means we are pretending to smile he pretended to smile and chuckle. To carry out humor in your life follow the things below .
- Limitations , Faults and foible
When you laugh on your limitations , faults and foible , you will let others feel closer to you and inspire them to accept their own limitations, faults, and foibles.
- Laugh at your self
laugh at your self on the funny things you had done in your past .
- Laugh at your life
When things are not going on your way don’t get upset or angry , instead try being amused by the situation rather than getting angry or outraged. You will notice how your amusement puts others at ease and can often smooth the
Acceptance is another method we all have to use to cure our emotional wounds .First up all you have accept the reality that is “If there is a way to overcome our suffering then there is no need to worry , if there is no way to overcome our suffering then there is no use in worrying “.
In other words Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?”. It is the ability to accept our life in all it’s pain , imperfection and beauty. The acceptance of reality is the only place from which change can begins.
most of our stress and anxiety come from our expectations of how life should
- When we are able to accept that life is how it is, not as we think it
should be, we are able to ease the ride, to go from that bumpy axle
(dukkha), with all its suffering, stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction, to the
smooth axle (sukha), with its greater ease, comfort, and happiness.
So many of the causes of suffering come from our reacting to the
people, places, things, and circumstances in our lives, rather than
accepting them. When we react, we stay locked in judgment and
criticism, anxiety and despair, even denial and addiction.
It is impossible to experience joy when we are stuck this way. Acceptance is the sword that cuts through all of this resistance, allowing us to relax, to see clearly,
and to respond appropriately.
you can use meditation as a tool to overcome much of difficulties , expectations ,projections ,distortions that we typically bring to it . Meditative practice allows us to quiet the distracting thoughts and feelings so that we can perceive reality,
and respond to it more skillfully. The ability to be present in each moment is nothing more and nothing less than the ability to accept the vulnerability, discomfort, and anxiety of everyday life.
You are able to accept anything that happens to you. You accept the inevitable frustrations and hardships as part of the warp and woof of life.
Acceptance is one of the biggest quality of spiritual path in which you get mentally strong . Acceptance is the quality you need to accept all things that happens on you and be proactive by understanding the reality you are going through . Like this accept people as they are not as we are . Remember we have to see the world as it is not as we are.
Accept that what has happened has already happened. There
is nothing you can do to change the past. Remind yourself , in order to make the most positive contribution to this situation, I must accept the reality of its
existence. So shall I move next method
It is one of the known medicine to all your emotional wounds which will make use free from the past . See one moment of anger may wipe out the life long merits . If you able to forgive you become emotionally strong so that no force in this world hold you back instead every one will bow , respect worship you as a lord. In bible it is well said “ To Err is human being , to forgive is divine”.
Whenever you can’t able to forgive some body that person will hurt you always that is in your thoughts , dreams and actions . So you become the victim of mental prison of that person , Instead if you forgive him you release him as well as your emotional wounds get vanish .
In The Book of Forgiving, the Archbishop Desmond Tutu presented a universal fourfold path to forgiveness. This step-by-step process has been made available to the world in the Global Forgiveness Challenge ( www.interfaithsn.org/forgiveness-challenge), and has now been used by people from over 170 countries.
If some body brutally killed your any family members can you able to forgive them . I know it is one of the hardest thing to do if you follow the path of forgiveness you can become free many of emotional wounds . For this I will tell a story what the great Archbishop Desmond Tutu told .
It was a story of one his college classmates Amy Biehl, who had gone down to South Africa after graduating from university to try to help. She was brutally killed while dropping off one of her friends in a township. Her parents came all the way from California to South Africa to support the granting of amnesty to
the perpetrators who had been sentenced to heavy terms of imprisonment.
They said, ‘We want to be part of the process of healing in South Africa.
We are sure that our daughter would support us in saying we want
amnesty to be granted to the murderers.’ And more than this, they set up
a foundation in their daughter’s name and employed these men, who had
murdered their daughter, in the project to help the people of that
We cannot say of anyone at all that they are totally unable to
forgive. I think that all of us have the latent potential, as our supreme lord’s Holiness is pointing out, to be sorry for these others who are disfiguring their
humanity in this way. Indeed, no one is incapable of forgiving and no one
is unforgivable.” Nelson Mandela , Mahatma Gandhi , Martin Luther king Junior , our supreme lord Jesus are the some of the icon of forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean you forget what someone has done,
contrary to the saying “Forgive and forget.” Not reacting with negativity,
or giving in to the negative emotions, does not mean you do not respond
to the acts or that you allow yourself to be harmed again. Forgiveness does not mean that you do not seek justice or that the perpetrator is not punished.
people who are committing atrocities, including murder, are creating karma that brings very serious negative consequences. So there are many reasons to feel a sense of real concern for their well-being. When you have a sense of concern for their wellbeing, then there is no place for anger and hatred to grow. Forgiveness, does not mean we forget.
You should remember the negative thing, but because there is a possibility to develop hatred, we mustn’t allow ourselves to be led in that direction—we choose forgiveness.
In The Book of Forgiving , Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the
person who harmed us. We are bound to the chains of bitterness, tied
together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who harmed us, that
person will hold the keys to our happiness, that person will be our jailor. Remember nobody was born to be cruel, to harm us, but because of certain circumstances, now he or she dislikes me, so hits me. when we forgive, we take back control of our own fate and our feelings. We become our own liberator.”
Gratitude, as we have seen, is an extremely important part of joy because it allows us to savor life and to recognize that most of our good fortune in life comes from others. Every day think as you wake up i am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it.
Think about there are many people in the world today who will not have had the kind of breakfast that you had. Many, many millions in the world today are hungry. It’s not your fault, but you woke up from a warm bed, you were able to have a shower, you put on clean clothes, and you were in a home that is warm in the winter.
Now just think of the many who are refugees who wake up in the morning, and there’s not very much protection for them against the rain that is pelting down. Perhaps there is no warmth or food or even just water. It is to say in a way, yes, it is to say really, you do want to count your blessings.
Both Christian and Buddhist traditions, perhaps all spiritual traditions, recognize the importance of gratefulness. It allows us to shift our perspective to the direction that gratitude is the elevation of enjoyment, the ennobling of enjoyment. It moves us away from the narrow-minded focus on fault and lack
and to the wider perspective of benefit and abundance.
Gratitude is the recognition of all that holds us in the web of life and
all that has made it possible to have the life that we have and the moment
that we are experiencing. Thanksgiving is a natural response to life and
may be the only way to savor it.
In Buddhism, one can be grateful even for one’s enemies, our most
precious spiritual teachers, as they are often called, because they help us
develop our spiritual practice and to cultivate equanimity even in the face
For this kind of act gratitude I conclude by the story of Anthony Ray Hinton , who spent thirty years on death row for a crime he did not commit. He was working in a locked factory at the time of the crime that he was being accused of. When he was arrested in the state of Alabama in the United States, he was told by the police officers that he would be going to jail because he was black. He spent thirty years in a five-by-seven-foot cell in solitary confinement, allowed out only one hour a day.
During his time on death row, Hinton became a counselor and friend not only to the other inmates, fifty-four of whom were put to death, but to the death row guards, many of whom begged Hinton’s attorney to get him out. When a unanimous Supreme Court ruling ordered his release, he was finally able to walk free. “One does not know the value of freedom until one has it taken away,” he told me.
“People run out of the rain. I run into the rain. How can anything that falls from heaven not be precious? Having missed the rain for so many years, I am so grateful for every drop. Just to feel it on my face.” When Hinton was interviewed on the American television show 60 Minutes, the interviewer asked whether he was angry at those who had put him in jail. He responded that he had forgiven all the people who had sent him to jail.
The interviewer incredulously asked, “But they took thirty years of your life—how can you not be angry?” Hinton responded, “If I’m angry and unforgiving, they will have taken the rest of my life.” Unforgiveness robs us of our ability to enjoy and appreciate our life, because we are trapped in a past filled with anger and bitterness. Like this there are many striking stories I know If I lead out on this blog it will become too lengthy so I discard it .
Whatever life gives to you , you have to respond with joy. Joy is the happiness that does not depend on what happens. It is the grateful response to the opportunity that life offers you at this moment. Hinton is a powerful example of the ability to respond with joy despite the most horrendous circumstances.
As you know selfish peoples are always self-centered peoples , this self centeredness is one of the root cause of our sufferings . A compassionate concern for others’ well-being is the source of happiness .
For a person who is committed to compassion practice and a genuine sense of concern for others’ well-being, then you will rejoice in others’ good fortune because you will be happy that what that person aspires for is being obtained.”
There is a concept in buddhism called mudita , which is often translated as “sympathetic joy” and described as the antidote to envy.
We humans have a special brain, but this brain causes a lot of suffering because it is always thinking me, me, me. Thinking me, me, me automatically brings fear, a sense of insecurity, and distrust. That kind of person will never be happy person. I think during the night they do not have sound sleep. They always have fear. Many dictators sleep in a different place every night.
So what creates that kind of fear is their own way of thinking, their own mind. Mahatma Gandhi’s face was always smiling. And to some extent I think Nelson Mandela, also because he followed the path of nonviolence, and because he was not obsessed with power, millions of people remember him.
If he had become a dictator, then nobody would have mourned his death. The more time you spend thinking about yourself, the more suffering you will experience. The incredible thing is that when we think of alleviating other people’s suffering, our own suffering is reduced. This is the true secret to happiness. So this is a very practical thing. In fact, it is common sense.
May be it is one of the quality that every one should adopt in their life especially doctors. A doctors kind words or his / her compassionate feelings is enough that his / her patients become cured fast than on medicine . Try out being kind when you are walking in the street and say good morning to the people you are passing, or smile, when you are not feeling like it. I bet you , in a very short period of time this pall of self-regard, which is a bad self-regard, lifts.
When you try it out, why does it work? We really are wired to
be caring of the other. And when we go against that fundamental law of
our being, whether we like it or not, it is going to have deleterious
consequences for us.
Research has shown that the simple act of smiling for as little as twenty
seconds can trigger positive emotions, jump-starting joy and happiness.
Smiling stimulates the release of neuropeptides that work toward fighting
off stress and unleashes a feel-good cocktail of the neurotransmitters
serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins. Serotonin acts as a natural
antidepressant, dopamine stimulates the reward centers of the brain, and
endorphins are natural painkillers.
Smiling also seems to reward the brains of those who see us smiling making them feel better, too. Smiling is contagious, stimulating unconscious smiling in others, which in turn spreads the positive effects.
When we help others, we often experience what has been called the “helper’s high,” as endorphins are released in our brain, leading to a euphoric state. The same reward centers of the brain seem to light up when we are doing something compassionate as when we think of chocolate.
The warm feeling we get from helping others comes from the release of oxytocin, the same hormone that is released by lactating mothers. This hormone seems to have health benefits, including the reduction of inflammation in the cardiovascular system. Compassion literally makes our heart healthy and happy. So be compassionate and be very kind to others so that gradually your emotional wounds fade away.
Generosity is one of the way that we become more joy so that our emotional wounds get melt down . It is another quality of a spiritual being . Generosity is often a natural outgrowth of compassion, though the line between the two can be hard to distinguish. what I say about generosity , generosity is a selfless act of kindness towards others and for the well being of others . Remember always people may forget your words but the legacy you left or your actions never get forget .
Generosity is often something that we learn to enjoy by doing. It is probably for this reason that charity is prescribed by almost every religious tradition. It is one of the five pillars of Islam, called zakat. In Judaism, it is called tzedakah, which literally means “justice.” In Hinduism and Buddhism, it is called dana. And in
Christianity, it is charity.
Generosity is so important in all of the world’s religions because it no
doubt expresses a fundamental aspect of our interdependence and our
need for one another. Generosity was so important for our survival that
the reward centers of our brain light up as strongly when we give as when
we receive, sometimes even more so.
Generosity is one of the four fundamental brain circuits that map with long-term well-being. In the 2015 World Happiness it is explained that one of the strongest predictors of well-being worldwide is the quality of our relationships. Generous, pro-social behavior seems to strengthen these relationships across cultures. Generosity is even associated with better health and longer life expectancy. Generosity seems to be so powerful that, according to researchers says it increases the protective antibody salivary immunoglobulin A, a protein used by the immune system.
In every religious book it is well said and gave more importance to love . Sheikh Abdul Aziz Bukhari said , “No one can be a Muslim without love in his heart for all men.” Love have different shades , so some of you get misunderstand about it . Love of your parents , teachers , friends and lover / wife . In above all nothing will replace our mothers love . So whatever may be love and care your parents at any cost it is one of the prescribed duty of a every human being .
In Hindu religion our earth is considered as a mother so that don’t ever try to do any things which will hurt our earth if so you will get it’s punishment in the form of many disasters . Now a days newly married couples are always try to live away from their parents , I am asking you what is the use of doing this type of pity things , if you are living in a joint family whenever you go in wrong direction there are many elders will guide you from wrong things.
See every adversity or bad circumstances either make you strong or will harm you much . And It all depends on how you react on it . A genuine sense of love and affection alleviate all the problem to some extent. Remember if you love yourself then you can love others . That’s why it is well said in bible “ Love others as yourselves . So love every body with good intention , it does not cost you any thing than our destructive emotional wounds .
As you all know about the power of prayer . Some believes but some not , in my life experience I felt many times . Many times I got escaped from the mouth of death by many accidents.
Some of you heard about it that some miracles happens on our prayer . For example After major surgeries or operation when doctors feels hopeless says they tried their best the rest is on our supreme lord , in some case people got their life back .
It is only possible with strong will and grace from our supreme lord . Prayer some times heals our emotional wounds with grace of our god . I remember many relevant incidents ,things in my life on behalf of prayer , if I narrate all this here it become too lengthy it may take your valuable time . So do pray for your selves as well as for the well-being of others.
Remember by love and devotion if a person appears incompetent can achieve the mercy of supreme lord.
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