Emotional Intelligence – The secret of success
Hi guys welcome back to my another post . In this post I want tell about Emotional intelligence and Emotional hijacking. If you like this post don’t forget to share among your friends and relatives so that I will come up with interesting topics. Some peoples believe that more the IQ (INTELLIGENT QUOTIENT) he / she become more successful in their careers .
Some even believe that IQ is genetic given so that we can’t change through our life . Ok these are some of false notions about IQ . It is not necessary that highly IQ peoples get succeed in their career and all walks of life .
For example micro soft chairman bill gates is an college drop out , Thomas alva edison doesn’t got basic education , Indian cricket genius sachin tendulkar 10th class failed like this continues if you explore the history you can able to many successful person with minimum IQ and high EQ.
Have you ever think about , what does make them stand out of the line it’s nothing but Emotional Intelligence . One of the truth is that we can develop our IQ as well as our EQ through practice. Do you know EQ is so important in one’s life is 60% of success comes through EQ .
So EQ and success have very strong connection . Studies shows that people with more EQ succeed in their career as compare to more IQ people .As you know we all are social animals with intelligence and Emotions. We differ from animals by intelligence and emotions.
So this is not an issue in animal world whether it is living on earth, water or sky . We human beings are unique and have different personalities , goals , needs , different emotions such as anger, afraid, love , sadness, fear, anxiety, happy,sex, frustration , hate , Excitement, Addictions , Nervousness , disgust, guilt, rejections like this continues. And express it in different ways .
Now we can categorize these emotions into two ways one is on positive and other one is negative. one of the truth about our emotions is that our mind can experience our emotions so that we can better adapt to our environment . Emotional intelligence means we control our emotions consciously both mentally and physically.
In other words the capability of a men who controls his / her emotions thoughtfully . For this we have to know about the four pillars of Emotional intelligence . As you read on I will explain each pillars separately below . Now let’s think about what is emotional hijacking ? . Another fact about EQ is most of high performer had high EQ compare to high IQ peoples. And more EQ you develop more you can earn . That is there is a direct link between EQ and earnings , every point increase in EQ adds $1000 to their annual salary.
While we are talking about EQ and IQ I need to introduce another term called personality . Now I let’s talk about personality ,Have you ever think what is personality of person. A brief definition is that personality is made up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that make person unique.
In addition to this, personality arises from within the individual and remains fairly consistent throughout life. In other words Your personality is result of your preferences, such as your inclination to introversion or extroversion. However, like IQ, personality can’t be used to predict emotional intelligence.
That is , there is not known connection between EQ and IQ . you simply can’t predict EQ based on how smart someone is. Cognitive intelligence, or IQ, is not flexible. Your IQ, short of a traumatic event such as a brain injury, is fixed from birth. You don’t get smarter by learning new facts or information.
Intelligence is your ability to learn, and it’s the same at age 14 as it is at age 50. EQ, on the other hand, is a flexible skill that can be learned. While it is true that some people are naturally more emotionally intelligent than others, a high EQ can be developed even if you aren’t born with it.
Now the time came up to say about Emotional hijacking . Can you say what is Emotional hijacking ? . Ok I will tell you it means our emotions hijack us to do something prior to our thought process occurs which would be result in either positive or negative consequences . In other words we tends to react on emotions quickly without thinking . That means you respond to your emotion irrationally / automatically without any thought.
For example when your boss in pleasant mood and you ask for leave most of the time , you will get leave because of your Employer’s happy emotion. Do you know it is well said in Bhagavadgita that is don’t take any decisions under any emotions because it will ruin your life later. One thing is sure greater the Emotional quotient you develop more the chance you win on both professional life as well as personal life.
Look another example when you are jogging in the morning on the way you saw a big snake , normally what we all do , either run or beat it with stick or you run away or you are in freeze state don’t know what to do.
Some of you know that emotions are contagious like virus . For example when you are with depressed people you also feel depressions. Like wise when you are with optimistic people we feel more confidant. That is why our elders says avoid bad companies from your friends circle.
Now a days social media platform also become a channel to make emotions contagious. In a study it is discovered that emotions can also spread through out online social network , such as facebook , twitter, reddit, tumblr and virtually any other social website or online forum.
- Self Awareness
The first pillar of the emotional intelligence is self awareness . It is one of the foundational skill one have to develop in the process of EQ .Self awareness is know about your self both physically and mentally. For example when you are waiting for your turn for an interview , you feel a little bit nervousness . Here nervousness is a emotion mixture of certain thoughts (is I prepared well ?, what they will ask ? how do I convince them my eligibility? ,if I fail what to say to my parents ? , I am scared may I make any mistake ? ) and certain sensations in our body such as feelings of butterflies in your stomach , drinking water frequently , fluttery feelings .
If you know your self from inside out then you could also know your strength and weakness so that you can use your strength at right time and could minimize your weakness slowly in future .when your mind is under certain emotions and you are aware of it and label it called labeling . If you understand your emotions and label it People with high Emotional intelligence are very self aware because they not allow their emotions dominate over him.
- Self Regulation or Self Management
The second pillar of the emotional intelligence is self regulation. Once you know about your emotions next comes how to respond them in a better way , here self regulation came into scene . That is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively .
Do you know on a same situation peoples do behave differently according their emotional intelligence . For example when you are playing with your children’s suddenly get a call from office about an unfinished office work .
Then you are in hustle to finish that work mean while many times your kids are pleasing to play with them and you are telling them not now . After many times your kids are pleasing to play with them you get annoyed and snapped. Following you get regret for your actions .
If you have highly emotional intelligence tell your kids gently baby I have more work to do, so shall we play later . May be a kind word is enough to change the situation from worst to best but some times our emotions overrule us and subject to emotional hijacking . People who control their emotions not easily fall in the trap of emotional hijacking , instead they control it thought fully. So control your emotions thoughtfully. There are different strategies one can adopt to regulate our emotions and some of them are given below . It is hard in the beginning but through continues practice one can get in track of EQ.
- Engage in some other activities you like constructively say writing , painting , Exercising .
- You can do self affirmations such as tell 20 to 30 times 4 to 5 times a day . Doing this slowly it will register on your subconscious mind as well as conscious mind also . I remain calm and cool always , I am cool man , what ever may be I will be very kind and gentle always.
- Avoid Emotional triggers such as certain peoples , situations or environments that are more likely to bring out negative emotions.
- Engage in some positive experiences while you are confronting negative emotions . Say watching comedy movie ,listening your favorite musics ,movie dialogues etc.
- Doing the opposite of what you feel for example if you feel angry then stay calm or you can leave the scene or talk later .
- Watch your emotions passively day to day like you are watching a movie scene.
- Do meditate 10 minutes in the beginning gradually extend upto 30 to 40 minutes a day . what happens when you meditate your mind remain calm and cool most of the time so that you can aware of your emotions and can respond them in better way.
- Do things of more value . For example put your momentary needs on hold and chase your bigger goals.
- Social Awareness / Empathy
The third pillar of Emotional intelligence is social awareness . Understanding your emotions means you travelled half the path of emotional intelligence , the other half is understanding the emotions of other peoples. In other words showing empathy toward others is called social awareness.
Means seeing the situations / problems on other person’s perspective. Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position. For example you can see many poor men’s selling some things in streets for their livelihood but when you encounter them you may bargain with them .
And most of the time you may not buy from them why ? (it’s from street ) . But the same thing you will buy from super market on big price why ? because of our status problem . In reality some of supermarket’s staff buy from the street on cheap price and put a new tag price on it from which you buy on high price .
If we buy from street on moderate price it will help them to feed their children . See another example if you drink a cup of a tea from a star hotel then it’s cost may be 250 to 300 according to how many stars does hotel have (three star , four star , five star ,seven star hotel ) .
In reality you can drink a cup of tea from a ordinary shop less than 20 rupees cost , which will make their livelihood. In above two example I talking on other people’s perspective . You can better understand from the picture below.
I know there is difference in your thoughts and feelings with others . And you can’t able to fully understand other person’s mind , but we can actively learn about other person’s inner thoughts and feelings by paying attention to what they are communicating verbally and non verbally . One of the way to improve one’s empathy is by perspective taking .
It is mental exercise where you literally imagine yourself experiencing a situation from another person’s perspective to better understand them. Another way to improve your empathy is ask the following three questions repeatedly in your life .
1. What is this person is thinking?
2. What is this person is feeling?
3.why is this person is acting in the way they do?.
4. Social skills / Relationship management
The last skill you have to develop in the path of Emotional Intelligence is our social awareness. In self awareness you got know to understand your self ,in self management you got know how to respond your emotions . Third in social awareness you got know about the thoughts and feelings of others .
Now the time came up to understand how you respond other’s emotions , this is where social skills comes in as last pillar of the emotional intelligence. First, we have to understand that a lot of our emotional world has a social component to it. For example, emotions such as love, guilt, rejection, and embarrassment are almost strictly social emotions (they rarely exist outside the context of our relationships with others).
To build healthy relationships it’s therefore important that we need attuned to other people’s emotions, especially how they respond to our own actions and speech. If your actions cause negative emotions in other people, then that can hurt a relationship and your ability to connect with others in a meaningful way.
To maintain a healthy relation with others you need to cultivate positive emotions such as joy , optimism , humor and excitement . One of the fact about emotions is it is contagious , that is emotions spread from person to person . For example if you keep company with bad guys , gradually you will also get that bad guys emotions.
Ok guys these are some facts about Emotional Intelligence , hope you enjoy this post and don’t forget to share among your friends circle , so that I will come up different interesting topics.