HI guys welcome back to my another blog post . Thanks for reading my post but some of my readers doesn’t finish up to bottom line so they miss many important insights from my blog posts . So I humbly request you all to read all with begin with end in mindset and share among your peers . I accept both compliments as wells as critics .
I think through critics I can correct myself and make necessary updates so that I will be more care full on my next blog post .
Instead If you throw me stone or bad critics , I will make something worth of it . I will kept it for future even If I can’t do anything with it .
In our life we pass on different phases so that we have to take some decisions in our personal as well as in our work life . And many peoples their own different problems in their life , some are simple but some are sophisticated one.
when both parties blame each other. Thus, a small problem becomes a large one; a molehill becomes a mountain. It may even become a mountain range because conflicting problem solving scripts compound every problem and magnify every difference
I think for every problem there is solution for but we have find it consciously or diligently . Before making a solution we all have to believe that there exists a solution but have to find . That is why in “BIBLE “ it is said if one door is closed many other doors are open but you have to find it or you have to ask so shall you get.
Solutions are of different types so that we adopt different solutions for different problems . But remember if we adopt same solutions for different problems in our life may sometimes it will suit but majority of the time it will end in worse condition .In this post I want to tell you about four types of solutions so that you can adopt it in your life for different problems .
Win lose is common type of a solution with out much impact on both parties . In this scenario either one of party wins , but that doesn’t make any sense . For example in a conflict between two person namely A and B either offender or defender wins in the court .
Here there are two possibilities that is (1) A wins and B Lose (2) B wins and A lose . . In this Win-Lose solution some times justice is denied which may lead offender or provoke to do different crimes . Win-Lose is good if we maintain Justice without biasing . Win lose is type of two alternative solution that is Yes or No .
For example, a “win” results when the outcome of a negotiation is better than expected, a “loss” when the outcome is worse than expected. Win-lose situations result when only one side perceives the outcome as positive.
Many of us came out of homes where we were always being compared to a brother or sister. In school we were graded “on the curve,” which means that if one person got an A, it was usually because someone else got a C.
Our society is literally saturated with win-lose—forced ranking systems, normal distribution literally saturated with win-lose forced ranking systems, normal distribution schools, competitive athletics, job openings, political contests, beauty contests, television games, and lawsuits. And all of this also gets scripted into our family life.
So when we have preschool children struggling for autonomy, or teenagers struggling for identity, or siblings competing for attention, or parents trying to maintain order and discipline, or marriage partners arguing for their own way, we naturally fall into win-lose patterns of behavior. Thus, win-lose outcomes are less likely to be accepted voluntarily.
This is another type of solution in which both parties lose something with out any gain . Compromise means both parties are going to sign on general conditions or agreements. In other words Compromise breeds satisfaction but not delight , compromise means every one loses something.
For example The reason AIDS is such a horrific disease is that it destroys the immune system. People don’t die of AIDS; they die of the other diseases that take over because they have a compromised immune system.
Families do not die from a particular setback; they die because they have a compromised immune system. A healthy immune system fortifies you against four “cancers” that are deadly to family life criticizing, complaining, comparing, and competing. These cancers are the opposite of a beautiful family culture, and without a healthy family immune system, they can metastasize and spread their negative consuming energy throughout the family.“ one of the advantage of compromise is conflict get removed from the scene at the same time the relation are maintained .
One of the demerit of compromise is that both sides give up part of their goals . But compromise allows between you and your partner to balance each other’s needs by considering both of your positions , which leads to mutual understanding between the two of you as well as a solution to the main cause. Remember in compromise 1 + 1 = 2 or 1 + 1 = 11/2 .
Think “win-win” is the root. It’s the fundamental paradigm of
seeking mutual benefit, or the “Golden Rule.” It’s the underlying motive, the nurturing attitude out of which understanding and synergy grow.
If we compare “win lose” with “win win” we can get know that Win-win negotiation can enable both parties in a discussion to feel that they have made a satisfactory deal, and that neither party is the “loser.” It’s particularly useful when you have an ongoing relationship with the other party, and you wish to remain on good terms.
Win-win is really the only solid foundation for effective family interaction. It’s the only pattern of thinking and interacting that builds long term relationships of trust and unconditional love.
To carry out win win methd one need to first understand others point of view then be understood their thoughts and take decision which convert “ me “ to “we” so that every one get benefit of problem.
Remember a win win method has five elements such as desired results , guidelines, resources, accountability, consequences.
It is another form of a solution for which 1 + 1 = 3 .It’s creating transcendent third-alternative solutions. It’s not “your way” or “my way”; it’s a better, a higher way. As you know 1 + 1= 2 but when we synergize 1 + 1 =3 that is the power of relationship which act as a third person .
It is well known fact the whole is more powerful than individual . And it happens because the relationship between the parts is a part itself. It has such catalytic, dynamic power that it affects how the parts interact with one another.
It comes out of the spirit of mutual respect (win-win) and mutual understanding in producing something new not in . In our life we may rarely heard about the word synergy but there are some words which have similar meaning of synergy.
They are collaboration, cooperation, synergism, teamwork, linkage, collaboration, collaborative, partnership, coactions. Conflict, discord. divorce, separation are some of the terms we get use against synergy in our life .
The Law of Synergy states that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. In other words when you combine your knowledge, skills, and efforts with other likeminded individuals with a single purpose in mind, you will be far more effective than if you were to go at it alone
compromising or meeting halfway. A great way to understand synergy is through the metaphor of the body The body is more than just hands and arms and legs and feet and brain and stomach and heart all thrown together. It’s a miraculous, synergistic whole that can do many wonderful things because of the way the individual parts work together.
Two hands, for example, can do far more together than both hands can do separately. Two eyes working together can see more clearly, with greater depth perception, than two eyes working separately.
Two ears working together can tell sound direction, which is not the case with two unconnected ears. The whole body can do far more than all the individual parts could do on their own, added up but unconnected. So synergy deals with the part between the parts.
In the family, this part is the quality and nature of the relationship between people. As a husband and wife interact, or as parents interact with children, synergy lies in the relationship between them. That’s here the creative mind is the new mind that produces the new option, the third alternative.
You might even think of this part as a third person. The feeling of “we” in a marriage becomes more than two people; it’s the relationship between the two people that creates this third “person.” And the same is true with parents and children.
The other “person” created by the relationship is the essence of the family culture with its deeply established purpose and principle-centered value system.
Remember in synergy, you have not only mutual vulnerability and the creation of shared vision and values, new solutions, and better alternatives, but you also have a sense of mutual accountability to the norms and values built into those creations
No deal is another alternative option which suits in some rare case in our life . For example when peoples criticize you unnecessarily , Don’t make any arguments with them just be act as a dump because if you argue against them then it will waste your time as well as it annoy other party which may invite other problems .
That’s why our Indian great scholar Vishnu gupta (chanakya) said don’t argue with idiots because it will waste time on both sides besides it will annoy the idiot . Chanakya also says don’t make a deal with cynic peoples in your circle of influence because negative minded peoples always put you in endanger because they give more priority of their self interest than any bodies .
Remember no deal is a best solution when peoples says untruth about you or criticize unnecessarily against you , because we are living in s society consists of different mindsets , but it will not suit in a case against you there you will have to prove your innocence rather be dump . I think you got what the NO DEAL is all about.
6.what is right
This is also a one of the option one can adopt while dealing with the issues . This some times falls in any one of the alternative above mentioned whether it may win lose ,win – win or compromise depending on the circumstances.
Normally majority of the peoples falls either in (yes or no ) or “I am right , you are wrong or I am wrong you are right “. But what is right is a solution in which we adopt a right solution for the situation / circumstances regardless of offender’s and defender’s choice . For example in a divorce case of a couple having 1 year old child .
however if the husband is innocent and argue for child the court will always allow child to live with her mother because that is the right thing that court adopt for the divorce case . Like this there are situations came in our life where you have to make a solution for the right of the moment .
Take another example suppose a you have a two kids one daughter A of 14 years old and one son B of 12 years old . consider if B does something wrong so that A inform you about this , normally what you will do ?.
Majority of the people will say to punish B , but if you make understand your daughter A that B is your younger brother if he does some thing wrong why don’t you correct him or make understand him instead of complaining about him .
Remember to carry out this “what is right” method one have to look deeply into problems and think from all angles and separate peoples from the issues ,problems, conflicts underlies and take decision which best suit for the moment.
These are the some of the methods I know to resolve a issue . Different alternative ways have it’s own pros and cons in which you have to choose which one best suits your situation .
I mean some times win lose favor the situations on other times lose win. for example, for a child to stay out of school, to avoid being inoculated, or to play in the street instead of the playground—even though the child may really want to. But you can explain unpopular decisions in a way that does not show disrespect to that child and that keeps your decisions from becoming withdrawals.
If it’s on an issue that is terribly important to the child, you may need to spend more time understanding and explaining so that that child will eventually feel the spirit of win-win even though he or she may not like the decision—and sometimes even you—for a short season.
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